blogging to stay awake!!!

It's only 6:30 pm and I'm so tired I need to do something to stay awake so I turn to you dear blog for help... Piko is on Kauai right now with his grandpa who is dying of cancer. Since Piko will be going to Korea for a year we decided to have him go spend time with Papa just in case he passes away while Piko is in Korea. It's been two days now and I'm just exhausted... this blog is going to have to help me last through this year long military tour in Korea. Right now I just want to curl up and go to sleep but of course it's too early to send the kids to bed. So I decided to finally share the story on how we got the name of this upcoming baby...hopefully this will work... if you hear me snoring you'll know it didn't, HA.

In July 2008 we were in Hawaii for family vacation for a whole month. We were on Kauai for a little more than a week and while we were there we stayed at Kapa'a Shores... which is a really nice vacation condo resort. Early one morning I was conversing with the Lord while watching the sun rise over the ocean. I was thanking Him for the baby I was then pregnant with (Lynea) and thinking this is my last one... then this thought came to me.... "no this isn't your last child. Your next child will be a boy and his name will be Kawika (meaning David in Hawaiian)." Ok so I was thinking I guess I'm having a child later in life because for now I'm done! And I don't like the name Kawika so I'm really DONE! As I looked out the sliding glass doors off our balcony into the rolling waves of the ocean his middle name came to me... Kaleo'okekai (the sound of the ocean). I've liked that name for a long time now and it seemed so befitting to the moment that I accepted the prompting and the name for this child with tears in my eyes and peace in my heart. Then I told Piko as I sobbed, "Sorry hun but this isn't our last child." Of course he brushed it off and that was that until in early June of this year I realized that I was pregnant again and knew right away that this is our Kawika... I didn't take to this pregnancy well at all for oh so many reasons and neither did Piko. We sat in silence for over 5 mins... totally unusual for the both of us... then a week later I get a phone call from Piko while he was at work and he was over joyed with some great news (if you remember earlier this year he was unable to go worldwide in the military because of a small health issue and that really bummed him out)his great news wasn't too great to me tho'... that's when he told me he got orders to Korea for November of this year thru November of next year. I felt dually attacked... how was I to protect myself from two huge trials that I was not prepared for... I knew this baby was coming but I didn't expect him so soon after I had Lynea and then for my husband to be gone during the last and most difficult part of the pregnancy. I crumbled and stayed in bed for over a week playing some stupid farm game on Facebook to try and forget about how I was feeling. Piko was really upset with me for not being supportive of him and his duties in the Air Force and I was beyond angry with him for being upset with me. After praying for an entire night... I had a wrestle with God for sure... and I'm totally not exagerating... I finally felt at peace and put the situation into perspective and realized my husband needed this more than I needed him to get me through this pregnancy and delivery while having 4 kids to take care of. Everyone around us openly offered their help and shoulder to lean on, what a blessing. So I know I'll be fine but I just don't want him to go at all. I always tell him that I don't need him at all in my life (I know that sounds harsh) but I don't need him, I want him in my life... I want him near me always and I want him to take care of me and our children... I want him for eternity (yes you may say that I need him to get me through the eternities but I don't because there is always someone else that could get me there) but I don't want anyone else I want him and only him. So now we are planning our time apart by using the blessed internet to help us communicate often and continue our family prayers and family home evenings... it takes us back to memories of when we were courting via IM... studying scriptures and sharing experiences online because he was in SLC and I was in Mesa, AZ before we got married. So we are going back to the foundation of our relationship and it strengthens me and helps me deal with what I don't want to do. So when you may say that I'm strong... I am... until you start to worry for me and question me on what I am to do because I start to worry and question myself all over again and I have to rebuild my stronghold after all my tears wash the previous one away. So don't worry about me to my face... just pray for me and through all of our faith combined I'll be ok and so will my family and my dear husband whom I want and don't need, LOL. I couldn't ask for better friends, neighbors and family... thank you for your support and love... such an amazing blessing in my hour of need because I don't want this trial but obviously I need it, Hahahahaha!

(So sorry hun for making you out as a totally selfish jerk but it's my hormones not me, LOL, our little family knows all the crazy things I make you do around the house and the many errands I make you go on to get me what I crave to eat and the stress of your crazy job that you didn't ask for and is beyond what you've trained to do but you do it anyways to pay the bills and for me to get my nails done because I need something pretty to look at when I feel all fat and stretched out. Our little family knows that you da bomb... well much more than just the bomb... you da bomb inspecter!!!! Lub U hunny!!!)

The hour has come to put the kiddos to sleep, FINALLY! Thank you dear blog for keeping me awake... I need to find my camera cord so I can upload our summer photos because I'm sure you'd rather see pics than read my goings on...until next time, Aloha no a me a hui hou!